Welcome to the latest episode/edition of "What Someone Said Today." I'm your host, Hai Dai, and I'll be bringing you the most hilarious and huggable tidbits. Thanks for joining us; don't touch that dial.
Learning a language can be hard - especially when your native language and target language are as different as Chinese and English. Trust me, I know; I certainly haven't always expressed my thoughts clearly or exactly in Chinese (and I'm equally sure certain people have written down the ridiculous things I've said for posterity). During my four years in China, however, I heard (and saw) some glorious examples of amusing things, based on grammar or vocabulary struggles, cultural differences, or just giant leaps of logic. In order to save face, I purposely didn't attribute the little treasures below to those who said them, but I think you can get the idea. Happy chuckles!
Things Heard (mostly from colleagues and friends):
"At first it was strange to hug, but now it feels natural." (All the feels, right here.)
"God is the iPhone. All other deities are second-rate." (The second half is polished a bit, but the essence is clear.)
"The ice cream in America is pointless." (The intention was to say "poisonous," after the Blue Bell scandal.)
"I hope you can leave your tracks."
"I like your horse tail." (My hair was in a ponytail.)
"I will have a loose bowel." (Congratulations; you've just made pooping sound cute.)
"If you are little, there are many possibilities." (This referred to physical size, not age.)
"If I go to America she will follow, but if she stays in China, I should stay."
"I'll pretend your wedding!" (She was going for "attend.")
"Is it a ham-pocket?" (Referring to a hammock.)
"Let's go to the head of the fish." (I still have no idea...)
"Life will be like a rainbow." (Translation in a school chat room.)
"A man from Changsha might be better for you...he could come here every weekend."
"Maybe tea at my house is better." (...than tea anywhere else. Yes, Kitty, that's absolutely true.)
"Maybe you are not the perfect match, but you are cute." (Five minutes after meeting Adam and Alexa, at a large group dinner.)
"Miss Heather, you look like a butterfly."
"Remember, I am your savior." (In regards to being available to assist me when I need help.)
"Sleep again." (Not "sleep more," not "go back to sleep"...Sleep again.)
"Sleeping late upsets one's stomach."
"There are only two things I don't like - women who smoke, and men with yellow hair."
"Today I feel intoxicated by your elegance." (This was from a student!)
"When I was little, I was very cute." (Said by someone who is, today, the epitome of cuteness. A large proportion of Hunan people tend to stay cute forever.)
"When you get married, you won't feel cold anymore."
"You make my heart howl!" (Said by a colleague to an honored guest.)
"You should keep her (Heather's) apartment clean, because maybe she will come back." (Way to make my replacements feel welcome!)
"You shouldn't ride motorcycles. They are dangerous. Unless you're with me - then it's ok, because I can save you."
"Your life is my responsibility...including your marriage."
A surprise gem came along when a colleague walked over to toast a visiting friend, phone translator in hand:
Deep feelings of a stuffy right back at you, man.
Of course, there was always the translation feature of WeChat. Here's just one of many examples from the International Class group chat:
Things Seen (mostly on printed signs around Hengyang and on travels):
"Carefully slip."
"<---Chile--->" (Chile is both ways?)
"Keep off the grass, you!" (Next lesson: A different kind of tones.)
"Shhhh...tiny grass is dreaming." Other variations include:
Papaya milk snow clam?
Old Fogey Groceries? Are you sure?
Thanks for the warning.
Don't ever use an online translator to make a bilingual menu.
Have some "expectant tangerine pee" with that.
Thank goodness.
Is that a grilling method?
Safety can hurt you, apparently.
Salvation is NOT the ultimate goal.
Last but not least, my personal favorite:
I'm still not sure what that really means.
P.S. You wouldn't believe how many ways stationary store notebooks can wish you "happy every day"...which isn't quite right anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment