The "Big D" (Dinner plus Tea)

No, this isn't Dallas...or divorce.  It's just Dinner in China, followed by tea.

The big round table banquets in China are an iconic cultural event.  They often serve as a swift initiation into Chinese culture for the foreign guest.  I must say, collectively, they have been some of the most memorable meals I've ever experienced.  The food itself is deserving not only of another post, but an entire other blog - stay tuned.  For now, I'll simply describe the Chinese D Experience.

Feeding people is an act of love in China, as it is in many other countries, but it is also a celebration, a display of power and prestige, a show of honor and respect, and a way to have fun with friends, colleagues, and/or family.  People treat others to dinner in China for birthdays, new jobs, holidays, hellos and goodbyes, family growth, just to take turns, and for other reasons that need not be thought of.  Even weddings themselves are basically just dinners with shows.  It can be a bit overwhelming for a newbie to attend one of these shenanigans...so how do they work, exactly?

Of course, one must choose a restaurant carefully and prepare a guest list, but let's assume that's been done, and the host is there early, ordering dishes and waiting for the guests in a private room that might be threadbare or extremely elegant, often in inverse relation to the food's flavor. (He or she will pay the bill later, though others may make a show of grabbing for it.). First up, the round table - King Arthur would be proud, minus the social hierarchy thing.  Everyone sits around a (n often huge) round table, with the host at the middle seat in the back, facing the door.  The guest of honor sits to the right of the host, the second most honorable person to the host's left, and so on.  For dinner with my school or a student's parents, I'm usually placed next to Kitty, though her role as interpreter is a little hit or miss.  Office assistants usually sit closest to the door, with a little open space for the waiter to deliver the food.

The dishes arrive as they are prepared, placed on a giant Lazy Susan so they can be swiveled around for everyone to taste (the highest guest of honor being the first).  These are amazing inventions that everyone should have!  Meals are served homestyle - everyone has a little rice bowl, cup, saucer, and chopsticks, and they take bites of the dishes as they come around.  There are rules for what must be ordered - certain meats, vegetables, typical local dishes, soups, and sweets.  There should always be fish and soup.  Rice comes last.  Dishes are judged based on color, flavor, and scent, and in Hunan, at least, are insanely tasty, filled with garlic, ginger, hot pepper, and lots of oil.  Restaurants tend to specialize in regional cuisine, though occasionally there's a mix or some artistic chef with his own style.  Usually people don't eat until the all the important people have arrived, so sometimes the group stares at delicious dishes for a long time (and occasionally eats them cold). At the end, it's important to leave a little of each dish, even one's favorite, in the bowl, to show that the host has been sufficiently generous and all guests have had their fill (this custom holds even if the guests are still hungry, but 99.9% of the time they actually are stuffed to the gills.)

The host does most of the talking, and other conversation can be especially boisterous or muted and awkward, depending on who attends.  The better the people know each other, the louder it is - the more impressive someone is trying to be, the quieter.  Jokes among friends abound; praise flows freely among colleagues.  Cigarettes are passed out among the men, who may smoke throughout the whole meal, although if the host really wants to be generous, the women may get expensive unopened packs to give to someone else, presumably.

Toasting is a Thing with a capital T.  Usually, the host will begin a meal by toasting everyone at once.  This is common at big meals and events in the States, too, but in China, it keeps on going - you might toast someone each time you take a sip from your glass, and it's likely someone will try to toast you at the exact moment you have a chicken foot ungracefully dangling from your lips.  There are rules about who to toast first (the host), and in what order to go around the table (most to least important) - it's key not to leave anyone out.  It's acceptable to tap your glass on the Lazy Susan if you're far away, but if you can reach someone, make the rim of your glass lower than theirs to show respect - people sometimes go so far as to put their glass on the floor, but that's rare.  If you can get up out of your seat, go over to someone, and give a little toast in Chinese, all the better.  Obviously, refusing someone's toast is absolute no-no and should never be done.

Sometimes you're lucky enough that the drink of choice is red wine or watery beer, but the typical drink of banquets in China is bai jiu, an atrocious alcoholic concoction that smells and tastes like lighter fluid, if we can guess at that.  Unfortunately, the more of it you can drink, the better your relationships will be.  (They say it's not obligatory for businessmen to be heavy drinkers, but if they want the deal...).  In the West, it would be bad form to drink too much and throw up in front of your boss, but in China, it shows that you're an honest person with nothing to hide, willing to suffer pain for the good of the group/company...I don't know if I should be relieved or insulted that women aren't held to this same standard.  At least everyone is super impressed that I can gan bei ("bottoms up") a small glass of the watery beer.  They think I'm high class for knowing anything about red wine.

Thankfully, a heavy dinner, at least in my experience, is often followed by a trip to the tea house, complete with all the requisite toys (I mean "tools"!) where one can settle one's food and rehydrate with mini cup after mini cup of exquisite Chinese tea, and calm the nerves with pumpkin or sunflower seeds.  (Stay tuned for Part 2.)  Sometimes, tea goes on so long that if you're out at a public tea house rather than settled in someone's home, you might go out for midnight snacks as well.  This can be anything from noodle bowls to BBQ, and often serves as an occasion for more watery beer.

Eating in China is a diverse pastime, from home-cooked meals to street food to summer outdoor pai dan with plastic table cloths, but the communal Dinner with the big D is simply iconic.  I've experienced nothing like it anywhere else on Earth.  If you come to China to visit, I can guarantee my friends would be happy to treat you - and some people neither of us know might, as well!